Looking back on 2024
- noelleruetschi
- Jan 2
- 2 min read
My 2024: A year marked by an incredibly large number of difficult phases, but when I look back on it from a certain distance, also a year with beautiful moments and countless small steps in a direction I would describe as positive and healthy. On many days, I can say that I am 'okay' with what happened and that it has made me the person I am today.
But still, I wished and imagined it differently... and that’s okay!
Sometimes I also wonder what would have become of this year 2024 or even the many other difficult years before, if I hadn’t had mental health issues? Would I be much further in life? Would I have won a crazy bike race or even become a pro next year? Would I have less fears of the future? Would I know exactly what I want in life?
And then I remember that all of this not really matters. First, we can’t change the past, even though sometimes I wish I could. And second: Whether I would really have done so much differently, and especially whether all that would have made me happier, I honestly don’t know.
I don’t think so...
Maybe I would have pulled the pull cord earlier, admitted earlier that I couldn’t go on, and reached out for more help. Maybe I would have opened up to close people earlier, maybe I would have been a bit kinder to myself at times. Maybe I should have seen more of what I was actually capable of despite these hurdles, instead of always hating myself for what I failed at or didn’t accomplish.
Biggest learnings:
Physical and mental health are incredibly valuable and we should take good care of them!
We should be more aware of & appreciate the good moments (no matter how small they are).
It’s important to reach out for help early or, in my case, seek more help (even if this is probably the biggest hurdle…). In this case, there is no 'too early.'
It’s okay and strong to reach out and accept help!
I have time: I don’t have to sign a pro contract this year and finish my final exams at the same time.
'You are so much more': You are so much more than just an athlete, a number on the scale, a number on TrainingPeaks, a grade in school, etc.
A psychiatric clinic is not the end; it can also be the beginning!
No matter how difficult it sometimes is: 'The sun will rise again.'"
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